Going Out to Dinner with Kids While on a Sleep Schedule
Parenting Tips Backed By Research
There is no shortage of parenting tips out there. It can be a bit overwhelming and undoubtedly cause some parents to question their decisions. This can also lead to feelings of guilt or regret about parenting choices you may have made in the past. Let me just say – there is no perfect parent. Every child is different and some things take trial and error.
We thought it might be helpful to share some parenting tips that have been supported by research and ones that our team supports. The goal is to not give you more advice, but to share concepts that you may find are easy to integrate into your parenting toolbox. Through understanding the basic principles of child development you can feel confident in how you are parenting. Remember there is no perfect parent, just improving your skill set as a parent.
Instill Healthy Habits
Habits are those activities we do without thinking, and they are often established early and carried out without thinking for years (decades!). You wash your hands after you go to the bathroom, you close the car door after you get in, you start the coffee when you wake up.
Helping your child establish healthy habits (like sleep!) from the start is like creating ideal default settings for them. The earlier you do this, the easier it is for them to learn.
Visual representations of routines, and offering two choices in which either choice is acceptable is a great way to establish habits – and build independence.
Provide Clear Instructions
Think for a moment about how literal your child is; it’s probably given you quite a few giggles and stories to share. Their minds are very concrete at this stage of development, and as such they don’t infer conclusions the way an adult would at all. Life is simply taken at face value.
Simple instructions that state or restate exactly what you want from them tend to work best. Keep the faith that your kids want to do what is right instead of assuming they are being intentionally obtuse!
Connect the Dots
While compliance is essential for our kids to learn (after all, it can literally save their lives in some situations), so is understanding and reason. By connecting the dots in their minds for cause and effect, you are actually helping them have the tools they need to follow your instructions.
Children are more likely to accept limits when we explain ourselves at first, so they can make sense of what we are saying. For example, you would say, “Hold my hand in the street because it will keep you safe,” instead of insisting on blind compliance.
There are two caveats here. First, keep your explanations brief and concrete. Kids do not listen to long winded backstories. Next, safety comes first. In certain situations, it is better to be firm and insist.
Remember, too, that children are more likely to accept exceptions when you explain yourself most of the time.
Stay Positive & Look Ahead
Kids learn from mistakes. Natural consequences has proven to be a powerful teacher. Let’s say your kid spilled his milk. It happens, right? You might hand him a rag to mop it up. When he is done, give him a warm smile and praise how he solved his problem. And if it happens again in the future, ask him “The milk spilled – what should we do?” or you may notice that he will get the rag himself without you saying a word.
Delayed Gratification
Being able to wait for a greater reward is a vital life skill. Measure your child’s ability to delay gratification by trying the Marshmallow Test. Haven’t heard of it before? It’s fascinating and helps you teach the importance of patience for a future reward.
Place a treat that he likes in front of him (in the original study it was a marshmallow, hence the name). Tell him that if he waits, he can have two. Then leave the room for a few minutes.
Kids who are able to wait for the second treat are on track for success.
According to the original study, those who could delay gratification saw benefits once they grew up. They did better in school, got along better with others, and handled stress and frustration between. They even had lower addiction rates and were less likely to become obese.
To practice delayed gratification, make the Marshmallow Test into a game. Start with a small time frame and gradually extend it. Call it The Waiting Game.
Your kids will eventually beg to play it, once they get used to the idea of a reward. Also, look for any opportunities throughout the day to practice waiting. Any time your child asks you for something, you have the chance to ask them to wait.
Keep Your Promises
Parents often forget the promises they make, but kids don’t.
When adults consistently break their word, kids trust them less going forward. Kids who don’t trust adults are less likely to cooperate with them.
This hurts your relationship and hinders your ability to teach your child(ren) well. Consistency and trust are some of the greatest gifts you can give your child.
Have Faith in Your Child’s Skills & Capabilities
Research indicates that children live up to our expectations of them — as long as that expectation is not set too high.
In one study, researchers told teachers that some of their students were gifted. Although the supposedly gifted students were selected at random, they performed much higher than their peers by year’s end. The simple belief in their capabilities made a significant difference in what they actually achieved!
Conversely, a child who has too much expectation placed on their shoulders may fall into a downward spiral of stress and the feeling of failure. Belief in their capabilities means knowing how much of your expectation goes too far beyond it.
You’ve Got This
Motherhood is challenging. You might find it difficult to keep up with the housework, your child’s well being and your official work in balance. However, remember that you can always seek help from your friends and family. There will be moments (days, even) that you doubt yourself. There will be times you feel like you’re drowning and your child is doomed for lack of a better parent. But those will pass.
After all, you’re growing, too. And the more you learn, the better you’ll do. Keep reading and know that you are doing the world’s most important work!